nail polish

Ten months ago I got a pedicure during a bachelorette party for a friend. That was in May, 2009. I had my toe nails painted red. The polish held up pretty well during the summer and - warning, this might sound disgusting - I just never bothered to take it off, especially during the winter when I wore socks all the time. Amazingly, the teflon polish never wore off. It just became a narrower and narrower stripe on the end of my big toe as it grew out. Today, March 15 2010, I trimmed the last stripe off. As I look at the fresh unpainted nails, I can't help but think it signifies a new beginning. Not to mention the conclusion of a conflict that began around the time I got the pedicure. The red is cleaned away.

There's one stage in the butterfly's cocoon I forgot to mention. The sheath holds the butterfly still until it's strong enough to burst through. Claustrophobic stillness is not an end, it's the beginning. In that state a sense of urgency is birthed: The butterfly must find it's own strength and will to break through. The butterfly only appears still. Meanwhile, the resistance of the cocoon is making it stronger and stronger. This is the fight of the butterfly's life: the fight for life. With every subtle motion of struggle, the butterfly grows closer to freedom. But, it will never be free unless it fights.

A Heard of Turkeys

The Whale

The previous entry about a butterfly in its' cocoon reminds me of what the Bible says about Jonah:

"But the Lord provided a great fish to swallow Jonah… " (Jonah 1:17a)

God always provides a place for us to fit into, although sometimes it’s not pleasant. Transitional places especially can be like this, awkward, unexpected, scary or dark. But, it's helpful to remember, this is a place provided by the Lord -Jehovah Jirah.

The Break

I quit my job in July in order to pursue rest and wellness. That was a kind of break: the break away.

But once you get the chance to lie down, you start to dream. That can mimic the dance, but it’s not the true dance. In the Song of Songs, the maiden says she slept, but her heart was awake. I left work, and spent those first days sleeping, going for walks and laying in the morning summer sun, Bible clenched to my heart. My heart quickened with hope, became restless with love, like a butterfly growing wings deep inside a cocoon, longing for flight, wrapped tight. A butterfly can grow restless in a cocoon. But, in the end, in those final stages when the butterfly is bursting to get out but doesn’t have the strength, it’s the cocoon that actually saves its’ life. Although it feels like a prison, a tomb even, in those last days when the colours are so vibrant beneath the sheath, the cocoon holds it tight and still until it’s fully grown.

Break Dance

Lord, which story will I tell today? There’s a great story, you’re writing that one, but it’s made up of so many little ones: treasures, tragedies, and lots of humour. It’s a symphony, and a break dance. Lots of breaks lately. But the dances are so good. It’s so good to “rip it up” for Jesus ;) Break… and dance. The break comes first, and the dance follows. The break and the dance depend on each other. I can’t rest without knowing there’s a dance to look forward to. But if I just danced with no breaks, the dance would become wearisome. We need both. As our pastor taught recently, days begin in the evening. Days begin with rest, and activity follows. This is when God initiates, while we relenquish control. Jesus, teach me how to break, so I can really dance.

MJ Gets Things Done:

Notice Michael breaking up a fight before resuming his choreography.